Matty's final thoughts #6

I’d rather be the guest than the host. Not trying to attempt any pretense here that I’m anything like a wallflower (before anyone who's seen me after a few bevs pipes up), I’ll happily hold court, but I can’t handle the anxiety that people wont show up, aren’t having a good time, this one hates the music and that one looks like they’d rather be having a couple of teeth out.

I had a lockdown birthday this week. A birthday where I didn’t get to choose how I spent it, where I spent it or who I spent it with and... it was fucking lovely.

That lack of choice, the lack of worry was a joy for someone whose anxiety around decision making, in all honesty, is anxiety inducing in itself.

I did some simple things that I’ve always wanted to do but never actually bothered too. I made a lemon cheesecake with my Nan. We made it after a few prosecco’s and doubled the quantity of lemon.

I made banging corn fritters, at least I think they were banging. I made those after a few more prosecco’s, by which point I would have gobbled down shallow fried pubes.

I missed people, but I didn’t miss the sleepless nights in the lead up because it might not be the best day.

Not to sound like too much of a wanker here babes, but I think I’m learning during this.

I’d rather be the guest than the host. Not trying to attempt any pretence here that I’m anything like a wallflower (before anyone who's seen me after a few bevs pipes up), I’ll happily hold court, but I can’t handle the anxiety that people wont show up, aren’t having a good time, this one hates the music and that one looks like they’d rather be having a couple of teeth out.